Parenting Right: Are You Communicating Well With Your Child?
Communication is just the exchange of words to convey information, right?
Well… Yes, but effective communication requires a strategy and it can be especially tricky when you are a parent trying to strike a balance between being a disciplinarian and playing a supportive role when interacting with your child. Communication is a two-way traffic and it can also encompass non-verbal cues in terms of our actions and behaviour.
So, how can we communicate better and more effectively with our children? Maybe these following tips will come in handy.
Be authoritative, not authoritarian
Authoritative and authoritarian parenting are two prominent parenting styles. Though they may sound rather similar, they are certainly not the same. While both types of parents are disciplinarians and exert control over their children, authoritative parents provide guidance and are warm and nurturing. Authoritarian parents, on the other hand, behave somewhat like the strict and controlling micromanaging boss who demands obedience from his subordinates.
The authoritative style has been shown to be the best parenting approach as children raised by authoritative parents are more likely to develop into the most well-adjusted individuals. Authoritarian parenting, on the other hand, may result in negative outcomes such as poor social skills and lack of independence.
Changing your parenting style is a conscious effort for most of us. For a start,
- Give your child autonomy and opportunities to make their own decisions or even to learn from their own mistakes.
- Practice patience. If there are things that your child is not doing correctly, do not demand them to change their behaviour. Explain the rationale behind and let them understand the repercussion for continuing with their ways.
Take a chill pill (but don’t overdose)
Children tend to be rather rambunctious and everyone (children and adults alike) will make mistakes. When a child appears to be testing our limits and has done something to incur our wrath, we can become triggered and our automated response oftentimes is to simply lash out at him or her in anger. This is when we need to take that chill pill and walk away from the conflict to assess the situation and make the appropriate intervention.
Here’s an example: Your child had gone off gallivanting after school while you had no clue of his whereabouts. While it is easy to get worked up and start scolding him for being so irresponsible, the impetus for change is to let him know how worried you are and the consequences of his actions while reaching a consensus to stop such behaviour.
While you avoid over-parenting and falling into the authoritarian parenting category, you also do not want to end up at the other end of the spectrum by becoming a permissive parent. By indulging in your child, you are only encouraging his current actions. Errant behaviour (eg. rolling of eyes, talking in a disrespect tone) should definitely be corrected and it is our duty as parents to do so.
Work on your self-awareness
If we trace it back, communication breakdowns with our children mostly stem from us, the parents. While we cannot say that individuals are born as blank slates (or tabula rasa), children are definitely impressionable and their actions and behaviour may just be the reflection of their parents’. Therefore, we should always look into the mirror and conduct self-checks on ourselves.
For instance, an introverted father with few words may appear aloof and distanced to his child. This will cause a disconnection in their relationship as the child finds his father unapproachable and thus, will not share his thoughts and feelings with him. Likewise, parents who are vulgar in their everyday speech or who talk down to people will often end up with children who do the same and see no wrong with that.
We should also be aware of our current state of mind. Being stressed or tired can make us more irritable and magnify slight misdoings by our children. For example, imagine reaching home after a long and tiring day at work and the first thing you see is your child glued to the screen of his mobile phone playing games. While your initial thoughts would be that he is lazy, the truth could simply be that he has already completed his schoolwork and is using his free time doing the things he enjoy.
While we cannot change ourselves inherently, it is always a good idea to put in effort to correct certain behavior and practice self-awareness for the sake of our children, which leads to the last tip below.
Use appropriate language and actions
Listen up
It is understandable that we can get caught up with other matters as adults. However, we should always try to be empathetic of our children’s feelings as well as the problems that he or she could be facing, which could result in negative emotions like anger, frustration and anxiety. The key to empathy is to ask questions and listen without judgment or jumping to conclusions. This way, your child will regard you as a trusted adult and be more willing to share details of his or her life consequently.
Keep things positive
Life may not always be a bed of roses but there is certainly no need to exacerbate the situation and add more thorns. Scolding and getting mad at your child for making a mistake will not undo things. Rather, treat mistakes as lessons that will add value to your child’s upbringing and bring out better versions of him or her.
Be respectful
In line with the idea of authoritative parenting, always be respectful when talking to your child and treat him or her the way you would like to be treated. Yes, you still want to educate your child but bear in mind that you can still convey the same message using a more positive intonation. Replace “don’t” and “stop” with “please” and show your appreciation with a “thank you” when he or she has listened and done what you have asked.
Bottom line: Communication can be tricky. You want to be the cool parent that even your child’s peers wish to call their own but you may just end up becoming the tiger mom or dad. By making efforts to look at the bigger picture of things and making some compromises, you can certainly communicate more effectively with your child and improve your parent-child relationship.
Let us be part of your child’s education journey today! Do call us at 63415516 or email us at enquiry@superstarteacher.com if you have any questions.
